Georgie, can you spare a future?

If George Orwell intended to write a sequel to 1984, he'd probably title it 2008.

Ok, this isn't a post about living in the Twin Cities. It's about living in technological toyland. About riding the light rail, watching this bald headed guy in his 30's who is wearing these futuristic sunglasses, groovin with his ipod, and toying with his gadget. And what a gadget it is. No more than 2 inches wide, 4 inches long. But his fingers are skating across the tiny screen, pulling down menus, opening new popups, he's having all kinds of fun with this little whatsamigger. Now that word may not be spelled correctly. You don't get spell check assistance for made up words that you heard wrong in the first place. Wait, maybe it's whatsmajigger. Anyway, there doesn't seem to be a thing that this little device can't do. This guy is hooked. He's Buck Rogers. He's a twelve year old with his first Gameboy. He has been brought up on the future. He doesn't remember when a 1956 Chevy was a late model car. The era before transitor radios, mobile phones of any kind. This guy probably owns a Kindle. Reads Chuck Palahniuk novels digitally.

55,000 of those little reading devices are sold a month according to Amazon. Jeff Bezos just bought a new jet. Or maybe he just bought the fuel for a new jet. That's clearly more impressive. Any fat slob capitalist can buy a jet these days. Try to gas it up. Northwest Airlines just laid off 5,000 workers. They're all going to be competing for Ez's job now. Anyway Bezos or maybe it's Bejos, he changed it from the Spanish when he arrived in this country, keeps his jet fuel in a clear lucite container on the tarmac hooked up to a device that creates waves. Sunlight flickering on the waves of high grade jet fuel. The ultimate status symbol of the 21st Century.

Ez used to write a blog titled Ithaca Sucks. Over 300 posts. Ez did for Ithaca, New York what Hugh Selby, Jr did for Brooklyn. Last exit to Ithaca. Now it's gone. Ez has lost his blogspot. It just disappeared one day. He signed up for it on a different email account than the one he uses now. Had to change his account when someone penetrated the layers of identity Ez had created to protect himself from the wrath of the townspeople, envisioning torchlit throngs pressing against the gates, tar and feather parties, the whole nine yards. Now Ez can't remember the password to the original email account. And there is absolutely no one to talk to about it.

The human element has been eliminated from the future. There will no longer be help desks in the future. There are FAQ's. If you don't find the answer there, then fuck you buddy. Anamolies and anachronisms will be a thing of the past. No special cases. No exceptions to the rule. You hear me. Stick it up your ass if it doesn't work and you can't get help from the FAQ page.

The whole world is like that now. You call that nice? You call that a better world?

Ez went to the Minnesota 150 exhibit over at the History Center in St. Paul. It was a real treat to walk around and see all the things that had been invented in Minnesota. Made him proud to be a new Minnesotean. The snowmobile. The mechanical heart. The beaver hat. Lots of friggin beavers died in the process. Now, more and more guys shave their heads. Maybe the beaver hat will come back. You never know.

Maybe, one day, after everyone is blind and deaf from all the reading and listening devices we've been sold up the whazoo, they'll stick us all in sensory deprivation chambers, there won't be an environment anymore, that would have all been destroyed by technology, everyone will float in the amnitotic fluid of the future, plugged into a virtual reality matrix controlled by Amazon/Google. AGOG.